New Olympic Sports

The Opening Ceremony for the 1956 Melbourne Olympics was held on my eleventh birthday.

As I recall, the Olympics then involved running and jumping and swimming and diving and a few other traditional athletic events which, by and large, didn't include the use of equipment apart from things the athletes were throwing or jumping over, and involved amateurs only - an athletics carnival just like School Sports Day, but performed by the world's best athletes.

Now that it is open slather for any event which can loosely be defined as a kind-of-a-sporty-type-of-activity, I have some suggestions for any future additions to Olympic competition.

1: Tunnel Ball.

Who can forget the thrill of watching the girls' tunnel ball event at the school sports day? 
The joy and excitement of watching ten girls in school sports tunics bending over with their legs spread was enhanced by the fact that it was a genuinely exciting team contest involving skill, athleticism and close finishes.

2: The Sack Race.

OK. It was hilarious. 

School kids with their legs in a hessian sack grimly holding it around their waists as they hop, fall, hop towards the 50 metre finish line.
But imagine it performed by world class athletes over 1500 metres.

and finally...

3: The Three-Legged Race.

Imagine Usain Bolt and Asafa Powell flying toward the tape at around 40 kph, tied together at the ankle by a nylon stocking, each with an arm around the other's shoulder. 
Sheer, beautiful, magnificent poetry in motion.

And if that mental image doesn't do it for you, imagine the impact as the (name-your-least-favourite-national-team) pair hit the turf face-first at the same speed.

Let's lobby somebody. I am counting on your support.